From: Jurriaan Bendien (adsl675281@TISCALI.NL)
Date: Sat Nov 17 2007 - 07:50:22 EST
Jesus would buy a Rolex?! In 2003, I posted this story in Marxmail: The Good Lord Jesus is sitting on his donkey, riding to Golgotha. A crowd of people stands by, cheering. All of a sudden, the donkey stops, and stubbornly refuses to move on. A Roman soldier whips the donkey, to get the donkey to move, and whips Jesus a bit for good measure, causing blood to well up from the Lord's shoulder. But the donkey still refuses to move. "Ouch", says Jesus. "What now", jibed the Roman soldier, "Are you whinging again ?". "I want a Rolex", says Jesus. "What ???", says the Roman soldier incredulously. And Jesus says very calmly, "I want a Rolex". "This is unbelieveable", said the Roman soldier, taken aback. "Anyway, you can't look at your Rolex, hanging on the cross, and you'll be dead very soon anyway, so what's the point of having a Rolex ?". "It's simple", said Jesus, "if I don't get my Rolex, this donkey ain't gonna move." The soldier takes off his helmet off, and scratches his head. "Hell, Jesus of Nazareth", he says, "you drive a hard bargain. What on earth have you done, that's so good, that would earn you a Rolex at this unGodly time ?". "Well", says Jesus, "I campaigned for peace of earth, and I am a socialist". "But this is ridiculous", said the Roman soldier. "As regards peace, you caused a public disturbance, and you cannot prove you are a socialist anyhow." "I can prove it", said Jesus. "How ?", said the Roman soldier. "My Dad was working class, he worked as a carpenter. My mother gave birth to me in a sty", said Jesus. "That doesn't make you a socialist, that's just talking about your parents", jibed the Roman soldier. "I had various jobs, I was a barefoot doctor, I worked as a para-legal, I have been a parttime lecturer, jobs like that, nothing fancy, modest wages." ""But there is nothing socialist about that", said the Roman soldier. "That proves nothing." "I broke the loaves and the fishes, and shared them out, with a Keynesian multiplier effect", said Jesus. "But that doesn't make you a socialist, that is just a distributional issue, any social democrat can say that", said the Roman soldier. "I didn't say I voted for Meretz; I consorted with a prostitute", said Jesus. "Bureaucrats do that too", said the Roman soldier, who had been on a tour of duty to Brussels, and was a fan of the Danish soccer team. "Allright then", said Jesus, "put me in a cave, and I will rise again." "The centurion doesn't allow that", said the Roman soldier. "We just have to bomb the caves, because Osama Bin Laden might be hiding in there." "I threw the money-changers out of the temple", said Jesus. "And I want my Rolex, otherwise the donkey ain't moving." "Now we're talking", says the Roman soldier. "Which reminds me, they still haven't paid me either. Okay, here's your Rolex, now get off this donkey", so I can get it moving again." The Good Lord Jesus gets off the donkey, looked at his Rolex, and straps it on. Miraculously, the donkey starts moving again. "Allright then", says the Roman soldier, "now git back on your donkey". "Yes", said Jesus, "but what's the time ?". "What do you mean, 'what's the time ?'", said the Roman soldier. "I just gave you a bloody Rolex." "I don't know how to tell the time", said Jesus. "Honest." "You what ?", asked by Roman soldier, astonished. "I thought you said you'd been a barefoot doctor; if you can't tell the time, why do you want a Rolex anyway ?". "Time waits for no one", said Jesus. "Didn't you spot that great-looking bird in the crowd over there ? Anyhow, you can take it off me again, when I'm dead." Jurriaan
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