What are editors for?  I don't think they really read their writers work...

 

ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

 

*        Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

*        Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

*        Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

*        House passes gas tax onto senate

*        Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

*        Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

*        William Kelly was fed secretary

*        Milk drinkers are turning to powder

*        Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

*        Quarter of a million Chinese live on water

*        Farmer bill dies in house

*        Iraqi head seeks arms

 

Grammar often botches other headlines:

*        Eye drops off shell

*        Squad helps dog bite victim

*        Dealers will hear car talk at noon

*        Enraged cow injures farmer with ax

*        Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests

*        Miners refuse to work after death

*        Two Soviet ships collide - one dies

*        Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

 

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one intended:

*        Never withhold herpes from loved one

*        Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy

*        Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984

*        Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better

 

Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious:

*        If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while

*        War dims hope for peace

*        Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency

*        Cold wave linked to temperatures

*        Child's death ruins couple's holiday

*        Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years

*        Man is fatally slain

*        Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

*        Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation